It is hard to remain impassive when he's so kind to her. Gamora's gaze softens as she watches him kiss her knuckles. As hard as Gamora is on herself, she also knows he's speaking the truth. Thanos did not understand what she feels for Nebula, but he knew enough to exploit it. Even his good will had only been earned through years of playing the dutiful daughter. He didn't love her so much as enjoy what he could turn her into. She knows Peter is absolutely right about that. It's comforting to hear after years of dealing with the pain of being manipulated into carefully ignoring reality to please her abuser being brought back up again. What's five years ago to the others is a few days ago to Gamora. It isn't easy to brush off despite how hard she's trying to do just that.
"I told him that everything I hated about myself came from him. Thanks to our family there isn't much left to hate." She points out with a weak smile. She knows that it must be terrible for him to hear, but it is the truth. Gamora does hate herself to an extent.
A few seconds pass on in silence before she resumes the story. If she's opening these wounds, she needs to finish. "I told Thanos the stone's location to save Nebula. When I found it for Thanos originally I didn't know the price for getting the stone. I didn't want to know." Her gaze slips downward. This is hard enough to say without having to see Peter's reaction. "You have to sacrifice the soul of the one you love the most. You have to kill them." There's nothing else to say after that. Gamora knows he's smart enough to put it together.
He doesn't know what to say. Oh, he does try, opening his mouth and then finding the words stuck in his throat as if they're chocking him. So he closes it again, swallows painfully and the tightness doesn't really go away. Is making the corner of his eyes prickle with tears. Or maybe is the anger mixed with all the pain, Peter can't really say. He feels like drowning and is the worst thing because Gamora needs him to hold it together more than ever. He just told her he will be here for her.
But this feels like the moment Ego confessed killing his mother, like watching Yondu die all over again, like hearing Nebula explain that Thanos came back from Vormir alone. It's a little too much even if he shouldn't be surprised that the purple monster considered what he had with Gamora to be love of all things.
Peter should have never agreed to go to Knowhere. They should...they should have tucked tail and left to the farthest corner of the universe after they found Thor. But no, they had to stay and try to help and save the Galaxy because they're the The goddamn Guardians. Which is the biggest joke in the history of ever, Peter can't even save him.
"I'm sorry." He manages to croak out after another try. The voice doesn't even sound real to his own ears. "I'm sorry he did that to you, I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you, I..." Nothing else comes out and this time is Peter who looks down, ashamed.
A tear slides down her cheek as he apologizes. She can't stand it when he's in pain. Now isn't an exception. Hearing what happened aloud makes it even more real. That stings for all the obvious reasons. Peter Parker isn't the only one who didn't want to go. She can feel too sharply all the time that had been stolen from her too.
She won't accept an apology for not being there for her. Nothing can be further from the truth. Gamora looks up at Peter, reaching over to touch his face in hopes he'll look at her. He needs to understand this. "He would have killed you and done it anyways, Peter." That's the awful truth. They weren't strong enough to stop him alone. Gamora sees no shame in that if only because she had to come to terms with it as a child.
Her fingers graze over his cheek as she continues softly. "You were there to help me when it mattered most. You had faith in me when I was nothing more than a treacherous assassin." She smiles sincerely this time. It's impossible not to look back at the beginning with anything, but fondness. They'd been a disaster, true, but they were also starting something amazing together.
"Thanos would have won if it wasn't for you." She's not surprised he can't see that.
He leans into her touch, turns his face towards the palm of her hands with his eyes screwed shut for a moment, trying to reign on his emotions. He looks up at Gamora after a second, obviously miserable but giving a small nod. She's right, as she often is, there was little he could have done but it doesn't change the fact she had to face Thanos alone. He would soon die next to her that left her to suffer like that a second time.
She gets him beaming back for a moment too, a respite among all the stress brought by her beautiful smile. It doesn't last but it was there and maybe once all this is over with they will eventually find more reasons to smile.
"I screwed up, Gamora. I ruined things, so, so much. When he came back, in Titan, we had a plan to take the gauntlet from Thanos, trapping him first. We almost did, Mantis had him subdued with her powers and I..."
Peter swallows again and his throat feels raw and painful as if there are thorns in it. It's time for his own confession. He doesn't want to make this about himself but he can't live with the pretense of being a hero when he's anything but one.
"I punched him after Nebula made me realize he came back without you. I just...I couldn't think. And that broke Mantis hold on him, her concentration, and he got away with the gauntlet. It was m fault that he got to kill half the universe."
For a moment Gamora feels a swell of pride. Mantis has come such a long way. She couldn't be happier that the young woman they took in gave Thanos a run for his money. It's short-lived when she hears the rest. Her eyes widen. No wonder Peter is so upset. She knows she needs to set him straight. Gamora's voice is firm as she addresses Peter. "It's his fault that he killed half the universe. We are not responsible for Thanos' actions." As guilty as she feels for giving into him that is the truth. Thanos could have turned back at any point. He chose to move forward with his insane plan because he had to be right at all costs. Not even his tainted version of love could stop his delusions.
Her gaze softens as she reminds him. "You don't have to apologize for loving someone." Anyone would lose it in his position.
Mantis really shined back then, showing how brave and strong she was. Peter had apologized to her for what happened and she said he understood, always so kind, but he doesn't think the forgiveness is deserved.
The change of tone gets his attention immediately, it's firm but also more like the Gamora he's used too see and Peter's glad to hear it. They're both still there, the same at the core, under the broken pieces. The truth about Thanos is far from simple, there are far too many things all of them could have done differently, but in the end, she's right about him being the instigator and the executioner of his twisted vision of balance. Peter might never be able to forgive himself fully, just like Gamora might always hate some part of herself, but they could learn to live with it. When she throws his words back at him Peter makes a small noise that almost sounds like a laugh. He smiles, tired but unbelievably fond.
"Come 'ere..." It's less of a request and more of a plea as gentle arms reach out, one curling around Gamoras's middle and the other wrapping around her back. Peter pulls her closer and kisses one of the high cheekbones, breathing in her scent and reminding himself they're alive and together, and that's enough. "I love you."
She knows already, and the first time Gamora said it back to him will forever be branded in his memory, but Peter thinks they need a better one. A memory that isn't tainted with fear and death, just open love.
Gamora sinks against him, arms shifting so she can wrap them around his waist. She smiles at the gesture. Of the two, he's always the one who has been more open about his feelings. He never hesitated to say he loved her. Gamora had always been a little envious of how easily the words come to him. She could only say it when she thought she'd die by his hand as if that would soften the blow.
That is something that's within her power to change. Thanks to the efforts of the Avengers, Gamora has a second chance at life. She doesn't want to waste it hemming and hawing over her fears. They're free. They ought to celebrate that.
She draws her head away just enough to look in his eyes. As always Gamora can convey her true feelings with her eyes alone. She loves him so much. It's plain to see. She owes them both the words outside of that horrible day. "I love you too."
Peter makes an embarrassing, happy little noise, eyes staring into Gamora's darker ones and with his cheeks kissed pink. Now that they finally had a proper moment of privacy to say it, it feels even more real than before. Maybe it is because he knows how hard it is for her to talk about these kinds of things, no one ever likes to be vulnerable in front of others. Gamora has seen the worst and weakest parts of him already, the most stupid ones too, but there she is still...wanting him. How could he not do the same with all his might?
Hands caressing her back, he pulls Gamora closer and leans in so he can press their forehead together and close his eyes. He wants a moment for them to just be, to bask on each other warmth and affection. It's so rare in such unforgiving Galaxy that Peter knows exactly how lucky he is.
"No refunds allowed from now on, you know." He nuzzles her neck next, leaving a kiss on the curve of Gamora's jawline. "You're stuck with me."
His voice still betrays Peter's giddy emotions but it sounds light enough to make it clear he's teasing her. If Gamora wanted to leave, if she changed her mind, he wouldn't force her to stay like Thanos would have done.
She smiles, wide and affectionate, as he nuzzles her neck. Her heart is racing just as it always does when she opens up in any way. That's the great irony of Gamora. She could face armies without so much as a flinch, but telling the man she loves that she does in fact love him? Utterly terrifying. It is easy to avoid focusing on her fears when they're together like this. It is a credit to Peter that she doesn't worry about the phrasing. She can't imagine any version of reality he'd ever turn on her much less be as possessive as Thanos was.
"That goes both ways." Gamora pulls her head back, hands moving up to cup the sides of his face. He looks happy that it tempts her to be selfish and forget his needs. She would love to bask in this moment forever. It doesn't last long though. She can't imagine a version of reality where she'd do anything less than her best to care for him too. "You need rest. Spend the night with me." She brushes his little curls back with the edge of her fingers. "I'll keep you safe." From whatever is going on his head. She has her ideas, but it always more complicated with Peter than even she realizes. They've been together long enough for her to work that out.
She's always beautiful to him, both when Gamora is battling enemies or when she's more relaxed in the safety of their ship, but nothing compares to the moment when she smiles like this. Peter makes it his mission to try and get more of those smiles out of her.
Of course, this up-close, there's no way Gamora can miss the way the skin under his eyes is darker than usual. He hasn't wanted to worry her but it was stupid of Peter to even think she wouldn't offer the same kind of concern. It's just who they are.
Peter is tempted to tease, make a suggestive comment about being together in the same bed to distract her from the little cracks in his casual façade. But she deserves better than to have her legit concerns brushed off, and the promise of Gamora watching after him makes something in his chest swell. If someone can chase off Peter's nightmares just by being close, that's her.
"My knight in shiny armor." He says instead, eyelids dropping slightly as his face turns to lean into her touch. "I know you will."
It's slow and reluctant, he doesn't want to pull away from her touch, but Peter shifts so he can kick off his boots and then move properly onto the bed. He reaches for her almost immediately, tugging at Gamora's shirt a little to get her to lie down on the sheets with him. He wants to curl around her and rest his head on her chest or stomach but Peter doesn't want to be too clingy.
At this point she knows what he needs. While Gamora puts up a hard exterior, she's more than happy to meet them. She lowers herself onto the bed to lay down properly. A soft sigh escapes her almost immediately. She's tired too in many ways. The act alone does a lot of ease that exhaustion. She shifts to her side before lifting her arm to invite him closer.
Once he settles in, Gamora immediately starts threading her fingers through his hair to comfort him. "Everything is going to be alright. We're all together." It's a reminder they all need. Hopefully that puts his mind at ease so he can dream pleasantly tonight.
The relief in his face and the way his shoulders relax is evident as soon as Gamora sighs and then invites him closer. He's bigger than her and yet Peter curls around her body easily, eyes dropping closed as soon as fingers start petting his hair. Physical touches have always brought him comfort and he treasures them when they come from her.
"We are. it's just...I keep thinking that I'll fall asleep and you'll be gone when I wake up." One of his hands is resting closer to her waist, fingers drawing small circle son her hip, and Peter can't help but cling to her a little closer. " I know it's stupid."
The gentle circles are already doing a lot to help her relax. If not for this conversation Gamora thinks she could fall asleep by now. Setting Peter straight is a priority.
She shakes her head gently at the statement. Gamora can't actually think of a more reasonable fear to have in their situation. She's not surprised he can't see it given everything he's been through. "It's not stupid, Peter. We faced a foe who could manipulate reality with a thought. You're allowed to be scared." She certainly is. The alternative is too cruel so she trusts what she sees and feels right now.
With her so close and reminding him she's real and safe it's very hard for Peter to stay awake as well, he has to blink a few times to keep his eyes open. The caresses to Gamora's hip might slower a little, but they don't stop, he can watch after her if she wants to rest.
Any other day he would deny being scared but it feels absurd. She has already seen him at his worst and she still stayed. Her words are comforting in a way he can't put into words. Peter rubs his cheek against her like a happy cat and then looks up
"You could try slapping me, see if that wakes me up." He smiles before Gamora can have any idea. He's only joking.
She smiles in amusement which should really be his first warning that she's going to pretend not to know this is a joke. After that, Gamora lightly tugs at his hair. "Feel awake?" She teases. She can do it again. :)
Ah but that smile is worth all the pain. Besides, Peter likes to have his hair yanked under the right circumstances. Not like any of them have the energy for that tonight.
"Ouch." He says, clearly unaffected and smiling like a content cat. "A little bit. What about you?"
He won't pull at her hair but he's going to bury his face on Gamora's stomach and blow a raspberry.
She makes the most indelicate squeaking noise at that. Gamora will now deny making it for the rest of her life. "Peter!" She ruffles his hair in a weak attempt at revenge before giving up. She laughs instead. "Fine, I'm awake."
Don't mind the way Peter's shoulders are shaking, Gamora. Is not that he's laughing at you for that sound, must be your imagination. He looks up when she calls his name, looking happier than he's been in a long time.
"Good, we don't have to worry any more then." Shifting in bed, he moves up so they're at the same eye level next to each other and wraps an arm around her again. Peter nuzzles Gamora behind the ear and then kisses her cheek. "But maybe some rest will do us good."
He is absolutely laughing at her. She is going to keep glaring at him!!! Until about the time he kisses her cheek at least. As usual Gamora lets him get away with murder compared to everyone else. "Don't think I'll forget you having fun at my expense." She warns before kissing the tip of his nose and settling back against him. She may as well get some sleep too. It's not like they don't have an early warning system in the form of Drax, Rocket, and Groot shouting at things.
He is and she can glare to her heart content, Peter is doing his best to ignore that and not smirk further. Gamora's cute when she's pouty.
"You can make me pay in the morning if I've been a bad boy."
There's some level fo flirt in his tone because Peter can't help himself but it's light and warm. He scrunches up his nose rather cutesy after the kiss, almost sure that his face is going to break in half from how much he's smiling.
He lets out a sigh and closes his eyes, still snuggling up to her. Rocket and the other Guardians would come crashing into the room is something is amiss, that much they're both sure, so they can relax for the rest of the night.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
"I told him that everything I hated about myself came from him. Thanks to our family there isn't much left to hate." She points out with a weak smile. She knows that it must be terrible for him to hear, but it is the truth. Gamora does hate herself to an extent.
A few seconds pass on in silence before she resumes the story. If she's opening these wounds, she needs to finish. "I told Thanos the stone's location to save Nebula. When I found it for Thanos originally I didn't know the price for getting the stone. I didn't want to know." Her gaze slips downward. This is hard enough to say without having to see Peter's reaction. "You have to sacrifice the soul of the one you love the most. You have to kill them." There's nothing else to say after that. Gamora knows he's smart enough to put it together.
no subject
But this feels like the moment Ego confessed killing his mother, like watching Yondu die all over again, like hearing Nebula explain that Thanos came back from Vormir alone. It's a little too much even if he shouldn't be surprised that the purple monster considered what he had with Gamora to be love of all things.
Peter should have never agreed to go to Knowhere. They should...they should have tucked tail and left to the farthest corner of the universe after they found Thor. But no, they had to stay and try to help and save the Galaxy because they're the The goddamn Guardians. Which is the biggest joke in the history of ever, Peter can't even save him.
"I'm sorry." He manages to croak out after another try. The voice doesn't even sound real to his own ears. "I'm sorry he did that to you, I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you, I..." Nothing else comes out and this time is Peter who looks down, ashamed.
no subject
She won't accept an apology for not being there for her. Nothing can be further from the truth. Gamora looks up at Peter, reaching over to touch his face in hopes he'll look at her. He needs to understand this. "He would have killed you and done it anyways, Peter." That's the awful truth. They weren't strong enough to stop him alone. Gamora sees no shame in that if only because she had to come to terms with it as a child.
Her fingers graze over his cheek as she continues softly. "You were there to help me when it mattered most. You had faith in me when I was nothing more than a treacherous assassin." She smiles sincerely this time. It's impossible not to look back at the beginning with anything, but fondness. They'd been a disaster, true, but they were also starting something amazing together.
"Thanos would have won if it wasn't for you." She's not surprised he can't see that.
no subject
She gets him beaming back for a moment too, a respite among all the stress brought by her beautiful smile. It doesn't last but it was there and maybe once all this is over with they will eventually find more reasons to smile.
"I screwed up, Gamora. I ruined things, so, so much. When he came back, in Titan, we had a plan to take the gauntlet from Thanos, trapping him first. We almost did, Mantis had him subdued with her powers and I..."
Peter swallows again and his throat feels raw and painful as if there are thorns in it. It's time for his own confession. He doesn't want to make this about himself but he can't live with the pretense of being a hero when he's anything but one.
"I punched him after Nebula made me realize he came back without you. I just...I couldn't think. And that broke Mantis hold on him, her concentration, and he got away with the gauntlet. It was m fault that he got to kill half the universe."
no subject
Her gaze softens as she reminds him. "You don't have to apologize for loving someone." Anyone would lose it in his position.
no subject
The change of tone gets his attention immediately, it's firm but also more like the Gamora he's used too see and Peter's glad to hear it. They're both still there, the same at the core, under the broken pieces. The truth about Thanos is far from simple, there are far too many things all of them could have done differently, but in the end, she's right about him being the instigator and the executioner of his twisted vision of balance. Peter might never be able to forgive himself fully, just like Gamora might always hate some part of herself, but they could learn to live with it. When she throws his words back at him Peter makes a small noise that almost sounds like a laugh. He smiles, tired but unbelievably fond.
"Come 'ere..." It's less of a request and more of a plea as gentle arms reach out, one curling around Gamoras's middle and the other wrapping around her back. Peter pulls her closer and kisses one of the high cheekbones, breathing in her scent and reminding himself they're alive and together, and that's enough. "I love you."
She knows already, and the first time Gamora said it back to him will forever be branded in his memory, but Peter thinks they need a better one. A memory that isn't tainted with fear and death, just open love.
no subject
That is something that's within her power to change. Thanks to the efforts of the Avengers, Gamora has a second chance at life. She doesn't want to waste it hemming and hawing over her fears. They're free. They ought to celebrate that.
She draws her head away just enough to look in his eyes. As always Gamora can convey her true feelings with her eyes alone. She loves him so much. It's plain to see. She owes them both the words outside of that horrible day. "I love you too."
no subject
Hands caressing her back, he pulls Gamora closer and leans in so he can press their forehead together and close his eyes. He wants a moment for them to just be, to bask on each other warmth and affection. It's so rare in such unforgiving Galaxy that Peter knows exactly how lucky he is.
"No refunds allowed from now on, you know." He nuzzles her neck next, leaving a kiss on the curve of Gamora's jawline. "You're stuck with me."
His voice still betrays Peter's giddy emotions but it sounds light enough to make it clear he's teasing her. If Gamora wanted to leave, if she changed her mind, he wouldn't force her to stay like Thanos would have done.
no subject
"That goes both ways." Gamora pulls her head back, hands moving up to cup the sides of his face. He looks happy that it tempts her to be selfish and forget his needs. She would love to bask in this moment forever. It doesn't last long though. She can't imagine a version of reality where she'd do anything less than her best to care for him too. "You need rest. Spend the night with me." She brushes his little curls back with the edge of her fingers. "I'll keep you safe." From whatever is going on his head. She has her ideas, but it always more complicated with Peter than even she realizes. They've been together long enough for her to work that out.
no subject
Of course, this up-close, there's no way Gamora can miss the way the skin under his eyes is darker than usual. He hasn't wanted to worry her but it was stupid of Peter to even think she wouldn't offer the same kind of concern. It's just who they are.
Peter is tempted to tease, make a suggestive comment about being together in the same bed to distract her from the little cracks in his casual façade. But she deserves better than to have her legit concerns brushed off, and the promise of Gamora watching after him makes something in his chest swell. If someone can chase off Peter's nightmares just by being close, that's her.
"My knight in shiny armor." He says instead, eyelids dropping slightly as his face turns to lean into her touch. "I know you will."
It's slow and reluctant, he doesn't want to pull away from her touch, but Peter shifts so he can kick off his boots and then move properly onto the bed. He reaches for her almost immediately, tugging at Gamora's shirt a little to get her to lie down on the sheets with him. He wants to curl around her and rest his head on her chest or stomach but Peter doesn't want to be too clingy.
no subject
Once he settles in, Gamora immediately starts threading her fingers through his hair to comfort him. "Everything is going to be alright. We're all together." It's a reminder they all need. Hopefully that puts his mind at ease so he can dream pleasantly tonight.
no subject
"We are. it's just...I keep thinking that I'll fall asleep and you'll be gone when I wake up." One of his hands is resting closer to her waist, fingers drawing small circle son her hip, and Peter can't help but cling to her a little closer. " I know it's stupid."
no subject
She shakes her head gently at the statement. Gamora can't actually think of a more reasonable fear to have in their situation. She's not surprised he can't see it given everything he's been through. "It's not stupid, Peter. We faced a foe who could manipulate reality with a thought. You're allowed to be scared." She certainly is. The alternative is too cruel so she trusts what she sees and feels right now.
no subject
Any other day he would deny being scared but it feels absurd. She has already seen him at his worst and she still stayed. Her words are comforting in a way he can't put into words. Peter rubs his cheek against her like a happy cat and then looks up
"You could try slapping me, see if that wakes me up." He smiles before Gamora can have any idea. He's only joking.
no subject
no subject
"Ouch." He says, clearly unaffected and smiling like a content cat. "A little bit. What about you?"
He won't pull at her hair but he's going to bury his face on Gamora's stomach and blow a raspberry.
no subject
no subject
"Good, we don't have to worry any more then." Shifting in bed, he moves up so they're at the same eye level next to each other and wraps an arm around her again. Peter nuzzles Gamora behind the ear and then kisses her cheek. "But maybe some rest will do us good."
no subject
"Goodnight, Peter."
no subject
"You can make me pay in the morning if I've been a bad boy."
There's some level fo flirt in his tone because Peter can't help himself but it's light and warm. He scrunches up his nose rather cutesy after the kiss, almost sure that his face is going to break in half from how much he's smiling.
He lets out a sigh and closes his eyes, still snuggling up to her. Rocket and the other Guardians would come crashing into the room is something is amiss, that much they're both sure, so they can relax for the rest of the night.
"...'night, love."